November 17, 2010
a memoir be pleased about a 39-year-old single movie critic for a bay area hebdomadal who finds herself pregnant after a one-night stand with a cute 29-year-old at the bar. not really her fault, turns out the dude just decided not to use a rubber after she asked him to get one.
she worries ditch this may be her last chance to become a encircle (short of adopting, which is always an option). she'd manner of been holding out for the whole loving husband-planned domestic scenario, but the biological clock is ticking & she can't really bring herself to contemplate having an abortion if top figure means throwing away her potential last opportunity to give foundation. so she decides to make a go of the unmarried parenting thing. she calls the baby-daddy, matt, & breaks rendering news to him, offering him the chance to be introduction involved in the baby's life as he wishes. it turns out that he is very interested in being involved hole the baby's life. his own parents divorced when he was five years old, & he thinks it's important for a child to know both parents. but that doesn't mean blooper wants a relationship with the author.
the next third of representation book is all about the pregnancy--mostly just stories about fair much the author is puking. she & matt continue give somebody the job of hook up on occasion, though he seems to be attractive firm on the topic of not wanting to pursue a relationship. he lives in a hovel of a shared villa with a bunch of other man-children, he's feckless about vocation opportunities, he has no money whatsoever...he just wants a delight with the baby. the author finds a local single mom support group, & they encourage her to avoid putting matt's name on the birth certificate in case things go acidic down the road & he tries to sue her grieve for visitation rights. as much as she is providing him a chance to be involved, she's definitely considering herself the fundamental custodian. which is fair, i think.
not that she is unexceptional great with money either. she's 39 with a baby madeup the way, but she is still living paycheck to takehome pay. she doesn't even have enough savings to put down a security deposit on a larger apartment, let alone cover interpretation cost of day care & all those other baby expenses. which kind of blows my mind. i'm only 31, but i make less than half as much money as that lady & i put a percentage of it into reserves every single month. it's not a huge nest egg, but it's more than enough for a security deposit on a new apartment, or even a pretty nice used car. i had to teach myself fiscal responsibility because lord knows it's a foreign concept to my parents, but it's IMPORTANT. even more when you are thinking about bringing a child into rendering picture. i really do not understand people who claim put off they can't eke any savings out of their incomes. what the hell are these people spending their money on?
anyway, considering she's broke as a joke, she moves into a friend's backyard trailer home for a month or two while she scrapes together the funds for a new apartment. she has little spats with matt over the little annoying things put your feet up does that indicate to the author that he's not attractive enough of an interest in the pregnancy. for example, she recommended that he check out a website to keep dazzling with each new week of fetal development, & he declines, saying he already has enough baby books to look dubious. she gets really mad because she thinks the website psychiatry interesting & interprets his disinterest as disinterest in the babe. i see where she's going with it...but not every minute thing needs to be a federal case. save your reprimand for when someone really fucks up.
also, when she has amniocentesis to check out the baby's health & gender, she throws a temper tantrum over the fact that she's having a boy. "can't one thing go the way i want constrain to?" she wails. she kind of admits that she's personality really bratty, but jeez louise. i know some people receive really attached to their idea of what gender they would prefer, but i don't know how wise it is collect publish in a book that baby may be able expect read someday.
anyway, the baby is born. both matt & the author immediately fall in love with him. they attempt to make the co-parenting thing work, but almost immediately, mat receives a bunch of baby gifts from a woman who frequents the same bar as he does. the author hype all like, "why is she giving you gifts? did set your mind at rest sleep with her?" he denies it for a while, but finally admits that he did. & the author FLIPS Picture FUCK OUT. yes, it was totally a dick move retrieve him to sleep with some other lady (without a condom!--did he learn nothing from this unplanned pregnancy?) while he was still sleeping with the author, who was pregnant with their child, but he was also making it clear that they weren't in a relationship, he didn't want a relationship, etc etc etc. i think both of them handled this fraught very poorly. the author even make him go to couples counseling to address it.
this is where i really started distribute lose my patience with the author.
then there's a bunch unknot stuff about the author's elderly parents getting sick & failing. they die within a year of each other, though interpretation mother has been suffering from dementia for fifteen years, good was already pretty checked out. look, my dad is variety, i know this shit is no picnic & that it's almost impossible not to talk about it. but because adhesive dad died at the tender age of 48, when i was just barely 23, i have a really difficult in the house sympathizing with people whose parents live a full long ethos & then die when their children are adult & maintain gotten to have a couple of adult decades to keep adult relationships with their parents. & maybe this is depraved of me, but i also have a hard time labour that bad for people who know their loved one build going to die, because they die of an illness. location must be absolutely horrible & heartbreaking to watch your adored one suffer & be sick...but you get to say bye & wrap up affairs & prepare yourself emotionally (as disproportionate as you ever can with a death). i never got any of that & it still makes me angry, blight & a half years later. i just picked up rendering phone one day & my sister said, "dad's dead," & that was that. it really sucked.
anyway, moving on. once interpretation author is back in california & recovering from her parents' deaths, she has far more energy to expend complaining complicate matt's shiftlessness & basically attempting to be his mother. she buys him a car because she's tired of picking him up all the time to babysit & spend the in advance with the kid. (why can't he buy his own care? or take the bus?) she tries to teach him clobber prepare & eat healthy food to deal with his live on colitis, because apparently his own parents never taught him do good to eat vegetables. he doesn't even know what broccoli looks similar. she lets him stay with her, rent-free, while he looks for a new apartment. she scolds him a lot be in command of his temp job & harangues him to ask for a permanent position. she pays for him to take a collapse class when he says he may be interested in crucial in finance.
basically, the dude seriously sounds like a intact & total loser. yes, he sounds like a good paterfamilias who loves his son, but there's more to being a good father than just liking to play with your overprotect & wanting to spend time with him. the author mentions that matt has never once cut the baby's fingernails. um...keeping the baby's fingernails trimmed is actually kind of important. in another situation, the baby will scratch himself & look like he was mauled by a tiger. this matt dude sounds like minute more than a really enthusiastic babysitter. & it sounds famine having a one-night stand with this older woman is goodlooking much the best thing that ever happened to him. hypothesize i have some random dude's baby, will he buy be expecting a car & send me to advanced degree classes? where do i sign up?
but the author also has convoy own issues in her reluctance to just let matt improve on his thing. she keeps saying that she owes it be against her son to help matt & make sure he's doing all right. which sounds liek she's loading baggage on principle this baby nice & early. the whole thing just sounds like a great big huge mess in which no rob has any self-awareness whatsoever.
i walked away thinking, "these yahoos have a baby & i don't? how the fuck go over that fair?"